I love you, I love you, I love you I LOVE YOU but I just feel so defeated because of all the time I’ve stayed explosively mad. Mad at the fact that you think you need to go through this alone when I will jump at the chance to help you. Mad at the way you refuse to go back to the hospital even though it might be the difference between you getting through this or not. Mad at how you wont let me know how often you’re spilling your blood or what brings you to do that.
Its fucking hard on me too, okay? Sometimes I get hurt by how easy it is for you to think about ending your life. You would take yourself away from me and all those who love you like we didn’t matter? I know it’s a selfish thought, but you’d be selfish too if you committed suicide. As much as I would like to, I can’t force you to go back to the hospital, or tell your mother how bad its gotten. I can’t force you to stop cutting. But I am going to be there for you.
Even if you don’t think you’re worth the effort, I am going to keep trying to prove to you that you are.
This summer is all about experience for me. I’m going to be a “yes” girl for these two months and a bit. I’m taking it as they come. If its a big experience (good or bad) I am game. Hey, let’s get messed up, let’s explore some random path, go to a concert, attend a festival.. I’m excited to see what this summers got to throw at me.
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Sometimes, I want to assure my parents that I’m still the innocent daughter I was three years ago. So if they’re talking about something or we’re watching a movie together, I ask about inappropriate things I already know about. Such as “what’s a spliff?” and “what did he mean when he said fingerblasting?”
Its a bit of a ruse, but I like to keep things interesting ;)
Holy crap. I want to go so badly. Its only 60$ for a ticket… ITS SO PLAUSIBLE. I could literally buy a ticket right now and be going to the only show in my city on July 15th. But I don’t know if my parents would let me go even if it is in the day time.
BUT THE BANDS: All Time Low, Pierce the Veil, Rise Against, Sleeping with Sirens, T-Mills, We The Kings, You Me At Six and a whole lot more.
But I will, however, because I feel like it. I am a bit embarrassed though. So, I got really fucked up yesterday for the first time. It was bad, I was in too deep. It was awesome, but I was scared shitless. I felt like a time traveller because I was that spacey. I think that scariest part was freaking out because I didn’t know what happened or what I did previously when I had a moment of coherency. I vvaguely remember hanging up on my grandmother when she called me.. anyways. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t know where my morals lie on this particular situation.
If you really love somebody, you wouldn’t be afraid to tell them how it is even if the truth is hard. If they’re making a mistake, rather than letting them go on because you just want to show how you’re so supportive, tell them they’re fucking up, and then support them through their decisions to fix things.
Acknowledge that your dark side (ie. the side that makes you doubt yourself, tells you all the things you are not, points out your flaws) is an asshole. Straight up. And no one should listen to an asshole.
If your life is less exciting than you want it to be, (ie. you are staying at home not because you want to but because of the lack of better plans, visited by boredom on the regular) reach out to people. Have a friend that you’ve gotten out of touch with? Make a move. “Hey, we haven’t talked in a while! What are you doing today?” is a good way to start.
Be a go getter. Want something to happen? It’s rightfully yours. You deserve to have a good time.
Remember that your experience is only as good as your attitude lets you!