I love weekend mornings.
You get to wake up at your leisure, perhaps stay in bed and do all of the tasks you can whilst staying in bed. Maybe read a book, check your phone, write some stuff. Get up, greeted by family and (on the good mornings, when I am ever so lucky) some pancakes on the table. When whoever first said “This is the life”, this is what they were talking about.
I love being with my friends, and honestly I know they have got my back. I just can’t push down the twinge of fear that happens every time they’re talking about something and I can’t hear. I can’t help but wonder if they’re talking about me.
Y’know when you’re unbelievably tired but you’re wide awake at the same time? And you try everything to put you to sleep but thinking (not necessarily about bad or heavy things) is getting the best of you. Yeah… That’s how I feel/am experiencing right now.
If you want something just say so.
It’s so simple! Don’t beat around the bush or try to find a nicer way to put it. Because honestly it 1) makes you look like a little bitch to me and 2) you’ll never get anywhere. Ever think that the reason why you’re always stuck in the same rut is because you don’t make decisions and lie to yourself about what you really want? Don’t be such a pussy and figure...
I honestly don't care anymore.
About anything really. Fuck school. Fuck sports. I’m stuck in my own world. Smiling and laughing and talking and conversing with people when I have to when all I really want to do is go and stay home and perhaps read a book at my leisure.
Sometimes I feel all alone in the midst of people I know I can trust and are true friends. Isn’t that the rock bottom of loneliness? Feeling alone amongst the people who know you the most?
I hate the feeling you get when you’re with your friends and they’re talking in hushed tones and you get paranoid that they are talking about you.
Okay yes, I can be a bit harsh a lot of times, but seriously, isn’t it so much better to be told the way things are rather than being coddled away from the truth? In my eyes I’m doing everyone a favor because in a world where the truth is hard to come by, not everyone gets the luxury of hearing it. You’re welcome.
So I’ve been thinking… Whenever I think that people are treating me differently and are avoiding me, is that just my paranoia?
Would you believe in me even if I don't believe in...
I used to be close with a lot of people. Now those people are limited. I wonder if it’s just life working or if it’s actually me pushing everyone away from me. Geez, I have issues.